Something always holds us back in a relationship. Nowadays, people change partners like trying on a new outfit. You then think that if it’s going to last for a short duration why waste your time? What’s the point?
There are countless reasons for the temporary relationships that I’ll be expounding in 7 examples; (1) When people find someone they like, they want to rush in a relationship. To do that, they overcompensate with their efforts to woo the other person. The other person falls for the false image and starts a relationship. For the first few days, weeks or months the other person can keep up with the facade. But at one point they will find it hard to continue so the mask falls off. This is where the conflict starts.
This will be the time that their negative qualities shows. Since the other party isn’t aware of these qualities they’ll be crestfallen. It’s as if they’ve been cheated. They asked themselves “why did I even fall for that sort of person?” This results to constant arguments in the relationship and eventually a break up. This happened because they didn’t get the time to know each other enough to accept their good and bad qualities. There’s no such thing as the perfect man or woman, I’m aware of that. By getting to know them well before jumping in a relationship you can analyse if you can accept them as who they really are. By being true to them it begets trust which is the foundation of any strong relationship. Also in this case, you will be more open with each other and help each other be a better person. Note that this shouldn’t be forced, just be a positive impact in their life.
(2) Another example is being with someone who isn’t ready for a commitment. This can really be dreadful because you think of a future with them in it. Hence you put in a lot of effort in a relationship. But the problem is when the other person just wants to have fun; that they can’t handle anything serious or they’re out. This makes the other person underappreciated and wreck their self-esteem. In a way this is related to the first example, you need to know if the person is serious before embarking in a relationship.
(3) Example 3 is being a reformer. They go into a relationship with people who have negative qualities and try to change them. At times, they make excuses for the other person, constantly hoping for them to change in the future. This poses a problem because you can’t change someone. But a person can change if they choose to do so. Fights will ensue the moment that you tell the other person how to mend their bad habits. They will see you as a nag and won’t listen. More often than not, this ends in walking out of the scene or violence. My tip is to never be involved with someone to change them especially if they refuses to do so. In that way you can let the right person come along.
(4) Meet the casanova, dandy, star, siren and coquette. They view people as conquests or their playthings. They give a bit of affection to get the other person to do what they want and they wouldn’t care how you feel. Failing to avoid this type will turn you into a cynic since these types are toxic.
(5) Enter the narcissist, closet-psychopaths and sociopaths. They are worse than the fourth example since they lack the emotion to empathize with others and they’re more adept at manipulation. They view people as objects to suit their needs and the moment they get tired of them that’s where the problem starts. They are way more violent than the previous example. Not only will you become a cynic, you’ll end up questioning your self-worth. After surviving the bad relationship, you’ll suffer PTSD, PTED and the like. Because this type acts like a chameleon, you can’t know their toxicity right away and people normally sees them as the perfect partner. But the truth will disillusion them.
(6) The idealist is more common than you actually think. This person is in love with the idea of being in love and being in a relationship. But by the time they are in a relationship they can’t handle it. They thought that it’s like a fairy tale, that the other person is perfect. By putting the other party in a pedestal, you are constricting them and every time they commit a mistake you take it against them without giving them the chance they deserve. You frequently have fights about trivial matters. You become disillusioned because you believe that relationships should be perfect at all times, that everything should go according to the plan or how you want it. But the truth is there’s no such thing as perfect. So make sure that you are actually ready for a relationship before committing. It saves you both the heart ache and you won’t waste someone’s precious time.
(7) This one is for people who goes in a relationship to move on. They make their partner a rebound. The moment the other person finds out your ulterior motive, two things can happen: It’s either they cling to you or they’re brave enough to end the relationship. No one deserves to be treated as a second choice. Be in a relationship if you love someone not because you want to forget the previous one. That’s respecting your partner.
All I can say is never rush into a relationship; Don’t overcompensate, act normally; Reveal what you truly are because if they accept you then that’s the right partner for you; Know the toxic individuals you have to avoid; Never be in a relationship if you’re not ready for commitment, if you still have feelings for your “ex”, if you want to change someone and if you can’t handle being in a relationship. Did I make you question your beliefs about relationship?
(This will be updated soon).
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