One of my biggest fears was you leaving me for someone else. But now, I realized that you could leave me anytime you get tired me and this relationship. Since it wasn't in your cards to spend the rest of your life with me to begin with.
If I can only go back in time and spare an advice to my younger self, I would tell her to never rush in love. I would tell her that it was better to be single and alone than to be with someone who can only offer her a temporary love - an uncertain future. I would tell her that just because the one you love told you "he loves you back" to never believe it all of a sudden. Because heartache will surely be certain once she discovers that she's just his temporary love. A past time. That he has nothing to offer. Because we both know that we want a long and lasting love. We want someone who'll bring us to the altar and pledge his love - mind, body and soul. We want a grand future not a lovely past time. Sometimes, in the loneliness of the night, we soon discover that we are the only ones capable of actually loving ...
Dear Love, You forbid me to ask about the past because you believe that it has nothing to do with us. But why won't you allow me to ask of our future? Is it because our future is uncertain and that you already know, you and I won't last any longer? Is it because you are planning on leaving me behind? You can't say it outright and the easiest way is to not talk of the bleak future? But what about me, my love? You turned all my hopes of our future to muck. Future, Security, Commitment, Fidelity, Marriage & Love. Where thou Art?
How can thee sayeth yond thee loveth me in the m'rning and bef're i catch but a wink at night yet whenev'r i am taken ov'r by mine own jealousy and possesiveness, thee can casually sayeth yond thee shall leaveth me, yond we shouldst endeth this, yond thou art bett'r off high-lone. wherefore, at which hour i confronteth thee with some things yond greatly both'rs me; wheth'r i am in the wrong 'r right, thee belittle me and useth w'rds. w'rds enow to cutteth me? how can i assureth mine own heart and feeleth secureth at which hour ev'ry timeth thee sayeth 'r doth these things t maketh me doubteth about the authenticity of thy loveth, our future?
March 17, 2018themonochromereaper
For a second, I thought that at last he has finally written a quote or poem dedicated to me. But alas! He was merely suggesting about posting for Instagram on Valentine's day. Dear me! I can only remain silent and keep my thoughts to myself whilst sighing with a deep breath. My long awaited dream of reading his eloquent words of love has remained elusive. How disappointing! I am ashamed for craving for something I can never ever obtain. Our relationship, although filled with commitment and love has become platonic - routine. Today, I'll give up my hopes of ever receiving any of your works that are solely created for me. My dear poet, from now on I'll chastise myself for wishing our relationship was more romantic.
February 14, 2018themonochromereaper
His eyes glued to the screen ...and the awaited scene unravelled. The waif-like body of a fair-skinned Jewish brunette was in a state of undress, Conspired to fornicate with the German gentleman. Between the beautiful yet tragic story the movie must have held, Its nudity and sex scenes ruined my chances of savouring it. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was the sight she flaunted, Musical chords echoing in the silence of the night ensued later as their bodies endlessly gyrated. I, on the other hand drowned out the ignominious pandemonium, Dismayed. Suddenly I felt him clutching my hands And I remained silent, frigid. No intimacy from me will he get. I felt betrayed as his eyes lingered to the repetition of the intimate scene. I used to be jealous in moments like this. However I can only despair for I cannot tell a grown man how I despised his watching these sorts of things over and over. I guess I was done, too tired of complaining, too tired of explaining for I cannot control a grown man's actions. He will do what ...
February 8, 2018themonochromereaper
Don't you know My Love? I planned to love you throughout the remainders of my life For I have always thought that mine is a destiny to be by your side With your arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight As if you were clutching to dear life. I vow to endure all of these until all my heartaches and nightmares end, Until my tears turned to crust around my eyes - dried. I will persist until I become the kind of person you immensely desired. But will you just let me whither and die a painful yet beautiful death? Will you watch me as I'm morphing, bleeding myself dry? Oh My Rationale Guy, pardon my whirlwind of untapped emotions.
February 7, 2018themonochromereaper
...whenever I close my eyes at night and drift to sleep, I feel the loneliness of not being accepted as I am. Why am I even here? Why am I staying when I'm just a tool that's considered a prized posession until I have outlived my purpose? A tool, wherein the instant I have shown my defects is rendered useless, unwanted. Why can't you accept my highs and lows, My Love? I am currently working on myself, doing my best to live with you harmoniously, Wishing for you to be happy, Assisting you in my little ways. I only wanted to be loved, desired and accepted as I am. Is that too much too ask? Should I commence erasing my individuality and start living like an AI? With a brand new slate-of-a-brain, programmed to do everything with sheer precision, efficiency and consistency. Perfect yet emotionless. Just as you wanted.
February 7, 2018themonochromereaper
He was a poet I have admired from afar. I felt the emotions in his words, I saw the deep scars inside his glassheart. Strong and fragile he was... He kept falling for the wrong ones, Breaking his own heart While I sat here in the sidelines Waiting, waiting for our paths to collide. One day I was merely an admirer from afar, But now I was in love With this mysterious poet, extraterrestrial. I thought to myself that it would be great To feel the intense magnitude of his love. I yearned to be his muse - The only one he loves, The only one he desires, His sole inspiration to continuously write. My wish suddenly came true out of the blue, As I watched the stars falling from the sky. We're no longer strangers But friends who quickly turned to lovers and yet... As months passed by, The poet that I love stopped penning poetries of our love. How disappointed was I, you asked? How can one write hundreds of poems for his unrequited love ...
January 4, 2018themonochromereaper
I never thought that one day, I would become the very person I hate. I believe, I threw my morals out of the window When I fell in love with him. He was everything that I want. He was the kind of person That can light up my life. He makes life worthwhile. He brings out the best of me, But... Reality hits me with an uppercut to the chin. It knocked me down and me feel like a second-rate person. I'm tormented deep within, even in my dreams. But what else can I do? I can't leave him. Because as stupid as it sounds, I love him.
December 15, 2017themonochromereaper
Site’s Peculiar Name
Everything isn’t purely black or white, there’s also the shades of gray where the hidden truth lies. The truth is, and will always be, different according to the person’s perspective on why they’ve handled things a certain way. That is how the author was able to use the “monochrome” as primary label. Also, attached to the site’s name is the word “reaper” which pertains to collector or harvester. By coining the term ”themonochromereaper,” the author tries to elucidate that this site searches for the ultimate truth in every situation.
“In this world where it is either black or white, the truth is in between, you just have to dig deeper.”