One of my biggest fears was you leaving me for someone else. But now, I realized that you could leave me anytime you get tired me and this relationship. Since it wasn't in your cards to spend the rest of your life with me to begin with.
If I can only go back in time and spare an advice to my younger self, I would tell her to never rush in love. I would tell her that it was better to be single and alone than to be with someone who can only offer her a temporary love - an uncertain future. I would tell her that just because the one you love told you "he loves you back" to never believe it all of a sudden. Because heartache will surely be certain once she discovers that she's just his temporary love. A past time. That he has nothing to offer. Because we both know that we want a long and lasting love. We want someone who'll bring us to the altar and pledge his love - mind, body and soul. We want a grand future not a lovely past time. Sometimes, in the loneliness of the night, we soon discover that we are the only ones capable of actually loving ...
Dear Love, You forbid me to ask about the past because you believe that it has nothing to do with us. But why won't you allow me to ask of our future? Is it because our future is uncertain and that you already know, you and I won't last any longer? Is it because you are planning on leaving me behind? You can't say it outright and the easiest way is to not talk of the bleak future? But what about me, my love? You turned all my hopes of our future to muck. Future, Security, Commitment, Fidelity, Marriage & Love. Where thou Art?
How can thee sayeth yond thee loveth me in the m'rning and bef're i catch but a wink at night yet whenev'r i am taken ov'r by mine own jealousy and possesiveness, thee can casually sayeth yond thee shall leaveth me, yond we shouldst endeth this, yond thou art bett'r off high-lone. wherefore, at which hour i confronteth thee with some things yond greatly both'rs me; wheth'r i am in the wrong 'r right, thee belittle me and useth w'rds. w'rds enow to cutteth me? how can i assureth mine own heart and feeleth secureth at which hour ev'ry timeth thee sayeth 'r doth these things t maketh me doubteth about the authenticity of thy loveth, our future?
March 17, 2018themonochromereaper
...and sometimes it's a bliss to be ignorant for the more you know about something, the more you worry about it. I've been reading a lot of articles lately whether in social medias like Fb & Quora or other blogs to learn about a particular subject. Yes, I am the type that spends the majority of their time to search online until I got the information that satisfies me. For some reasons, it's hard to satisfy my inquiries. When a case is solved, another one pops up like a ripple effect. Being a person hungry for knowledge, I've got to pursue this neverending cycle until I'm content. Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm such a worry wart; and yes, I am. I tend to overthink. I tend to worry. Not getting a satisfying answer leaves me anxious. So I search and search like it's become an obsession. But then again, maybe I should learn to clear my head a bit and tame ...
September 7, 2017themonochromereaper
It's too early to deem this as an unfortunate day. Everything went smoothly as I arrived at the vicinity a tad too early. I was definitely expecting to conduct a class and start with the new lesson on Price Elasticity of Demand. After 3 hours, the wait was finally over. I was walking along the corridors of the 3rd floor along with some of my students who came for me (Isn't it sweet that some of my students would go out of their way to walk me to our class everyday?). All of a sudden, we heard a tumult emanating from every classroom. All of us were pretty confused but then we just went on our way towards the stairs. Little did we know that we're doomed. We were walking down the stairs towards the landing when...Boom! It's like hundreds of caged horses were galloping towards their freedom. It caused a stampede. Here we are, at the right place and at the wrong time, ...
August 29, 2017themonochromereaper
"...and maybe I should use abstraction more often..." As I'm penning these lines, I'm contemplating on the numerous ways I can fall asleep. When I am exhausted, normally I easily fall asleep. But when I feel that way and I'm still awake around 11 pm onward; Sleep seems to be remnant of the past. Albeit a tiresome day, I'm glad that it was a productive one. At least all my efforts paid off. I really like it when my work is appreciated, especially if my plans were followed down to every detail. Who doesn't, right? Now going back to the topic, why dabble on abstraction? What merit can I derive from it? Isn't it a far cry from my spontaneous combustion of expressive lines that threatens to overwhelm and drown my readers? Well, my friend, that's really not the case this time. More often than not, we tend to observe little scenes from our everyday lives that when written down, can be ...
August 24, 2017themonochromereaper
A few weeks ago, when I sauntered into the room I found out that among my peers, I was the only plus size lady around. At 5'3", I weigh a whopping amount of 60 kg which is still within the normal range according to the BMI (Body Mass Index). I'm apparently surrounded by slim beauties that were shorter than I. Now this automatically sends red alert signals in my brain. You could imagine the startling differences in our body types (I have the apple shape, by the way). Normally, I wore slacks and jeans instead of skirts and dresses when going to work. What I noticed is that it made me look like a box car. It gave me a drab appearance like I don't care about appearing feminine in the eyes of the mobs. What can I say, I'm a simple gal and I tend to dress for practical reasons. But that's not enough excuse, isn't it? Am I lazy ...
August 21, 2017themonochromereaper
I wasn't always this strong person. There was a time in my life that I've been a pathetic loser who thought that ending my life was the solution. Note that at such a young age, I was a perfectionist and I lived in my own rules. I follow it diligently so as not to end up miserable like the mobs. In a way, it isolated me from the crowd but at the same time propelled me to live a safe and successful life. I was pretty wise for my age, not that I'm bragging, but I do. I have an old soul after all. I'm very proud of my achievements. Especially on how I can get things done when I put my mind in it. Interest is my catalyst for greatness. But then, the sand castle that I've been slowly building was blown away by a force I didn't foresee. It was during my cadetship that I first realized what failure meant. My future and ...
August 20, 2017themonochromereaper
Why? Why? Why? Why would someone give up on themselves? How can they just let things be and not fight for their dear life? Are they tired of living? I guess, we are all guilty of that at some point in our life. I've been on the verge of losing my life five years ago. But life goes on and giving up, destroying the scintilla of life you have left isn't an option. For everytime you destroy yourself, your loved ones suffer the brunt of it. *** It's like a dull ice pick is being repeatedly stabbed in my chest whenever I watch you destroy yourself, dad. When I was younger, you were so strong, so capable. But you have a weakness that caught up to you in later life. You never cared about living a healthy lifestyle. Now here you are, perpetually suffering. You know what's worst? It's when there were countless options you could have done to emerge stronger. But no, you'd rather stay in ...
August 20, 2017themonochromereaper
Site’s Peculiar Name
Everything isn’t purely black or white, there’s also the shades of gray where the hidden truth lies. The truth is, and will always be, different according to the person’s perspective on why they’ve handled things a certain way. That is how the author was able to use the “monochrome” as primary label. Also, attached to the site’s name is the word “reaper” which pertains to collector or harvester. By coining the term ”themonochromereaper,” the author tries to elucidate that this site searches for the ultimate truth in every situation.
“In this world where it is either black or white, the truth is in between, you just have to dig deeper.”