One of my biggest fears was you leaving me for someone else. But now, I realized that you could leave me anytime you get tired me and this relationship. Since it wasn't in your cards to spend the rest of your life with me to begin with.
If I can only go back in time and spare an advice to my younger self, I would tell her to never rush in love. I would tell her that it was better to be single and alone than to be with someone who can only offer her a temporary love - an uncertain future. I would tell her that just because the one you love told you "he loves you back" to never believe it all of a sudden. Because heartache will surely be certain once she discovers that she's just his temporary love. A past time. That he has nothing to offer. Because we both know that we want a long and lasting love. We want someone who'll bring us to the altar and pledge his love - mind, body and soul. We want a grand future not a lovely past time. Sometimes, in the loneliness of the night, we soon discover that we are the only ones capable of actually loving ...
Dear Love, You forbid me to ask about the past because you believe that it has nothing to do with us. But why won't you allow me to ask of our future? Is it because our future is uncertain and that you already know, you and I won't last any longer? Is it because you are planning on leaving me behind? You can't say it outright and the easiest way is to not talk of the bleak future? But what about me, my love? You turned all my hopes of our future to muck. Future, Security, Commitment, Fidelity, Marriage & Love. Where thou Art?
How can thee sayeth yond thee loveth me in the m'rning and bef're i catch but a wink at night yet whenev'r i am taken ov'r by mine own jealousy and possesiveness, thee can casually sayeth yond thee shall leaveth me, yond we shouldst endeth this, yond thou art bett'r off high-lone. wherefore, at which hour i confronteth thee with some things yond greatly both'rs me; wheth'r i am in the wrong 'r right, thee belittle me and useth w'rds. w'rds enow to cutteth me? how can i assureth mine own heart and feeleth secureth at which hour ev'ry timeth thee sayeth 'r doth these things t maketh me doubteth about the authenticity of thy loveth, our future?
March 17, 2018themonochromereaper
For a second, I thought that at last he has finally written a quote or poem dedicated to me. But alas! He was merely suggesting about posting for Instagram on Valentine's day. Dear me! I can only remain silent and keep my thoughts to myself whilst sighing with a deep breath. My long awaited dream of reading his eloquent words of love has remained elusive. How disappointing! I am ashamed for craving for something I can never ever obtain. Our relationship, although filled with commitment and love has become platonic - routine. Today, I'll give up my hopes of ever receiving any of your works that are solely created for me. My dear poet, from now on I'll chastise myself for wishing our relationship was more romantic.
February 14, 2018themonochromereaper
He was a poet I have admired from afar. I felt the emotions in his words, I saw the deep scars inside his glassheart. Strong and fragile he was... He kept falling for the wrong ones, Breaking his own heart While I sat here in the sidelines Waiting, waiting for our paths to collide. One day I was merely an admirer from afar, But now I was in love With this mysterious poet, extraterrestrial. I thought to myself that it would be great To feel the intense magnitude of his love. I yearned to be his muse - The only one he loves, The only one he desires, His sole inspiration to continuously write. My wish suddenly came true out of the blue, As I watched the stars falling from the sky. We're no longer strangers But friends who quickly turned to lovers and yet... As months passed by, The poet that I love stopped penning poetries of our love. How disappointed was I, you asked? How can one write hundreds of poems for his unrequited love ...
January 4, 2018themonochromereaper
I never thought that one day, I would become the very person I hate. I believe, I threw my morals out of the window When I fell in love with him. He was everything that I want. He was the kind of person That can light up my life. He makes life worthwhile. He brings out the best of me, But... Reality hits me with an uppercut to the chin. It knocked me down and me feel like a second-rate person. I'm tormented deep within, even in my dreams. But what else can I do? I can't leave him. Because as stupid as it sounds, I love him.
December 15, 2017themonochromereaper
Today I was randomly skimming through youtube for a piano playlist to tread through this lonely afternoon, when by chance, I discovered a beautiful melancholic tune. It resonated inside me, like the voice is beckoning me...saying "I feel you, hear my sad tunes." I was blown away by its haunting beauty and enchanting lonesome melodies. So I listened and drowned out the vacancy inside me. I let myself into a trance. In my mind's eye, I was dancing along the symphony, no longer caring of the pain inside me. Today was the day I discovered Nights Amore.
November 22, 2017themonochromereaper
May 25, 2017themonochromereaper
I have this queer habit of mine that propelled me into a solitary life. As a kid I knew I was different from others. I tend to be alone not because I'm shy but because I want to be left to my own devices. I find it hard to have common ground with people. I'm not the outgoing type, not one for gossips or idle talk. I want to withheld my emotions and keep my life private, I don't relish the idea of being vulnerable especially to people who can't understand me. Although there were times I've made friends, they soon end as soon as the year ends, when I graduated, or when I moved to a different place. I am not really the type to reach out for someone. I haven't been into a lot of relationships. Seriously. They must have known I was alien to their species. I am the type that doesn't fall in love easily because I ...
May 22, 2017themonochromereaper
Site’s Peculiar Name
Everything isn’t purely black or white, there’s also the shades of gray where the hidden truth lies. The truth is, and will always be, different according to the person’s perspective on why they’ve handled things a certain way. That is how the author was able to use the “monochrome” as primary label. Also, attached to the site’s name is the word “reaper” which pertains to collector or harvester. By coining the term ”themonochromereaper,” the author tries to elucidate that this site searches for the ultimate truth in every situation.
“In this world where it is either black or white, the truth is in between, you just have to dig deeper.”