“I can’t control your behavior; nor do I want the burden…but I will not apologize for refusing to be disrespected, to be lied to, to be mistreated. I have standards. Step up or step out.” Steve Maraboli
Once again, it seems that this love and hate relationship between siblings has been brewing. I thought that this relationship would get better as we got older but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I’m reigning my temper as I’m the eldest, but last time I finally told her my sentiments. I am the type of person that doesn’t let my emotions overpower my rational thought but I do experience an overwhelming emotion or outburst after being mistreated especially if it’s more than I can handle. This perpetuated to an altercation which caused a ripple effect. How would you issue a libel case against your own sister who used social medias to rant whenever they get scolded for a wrong doing or whenever they can’t get what they want? But I soon dropped this idea as my dad’s health was already deteriorating and I don’t want him to worry about us. His happiness and health is of utmost importance.
I never thought that a day will come that I can no longer trust her. I loved her a lot, I sacrificed a lot for the family. She’s very sweet and charming especially if she needs something, who’s heart wouldn’t melt? Mine always did. This vicious cycle wherein she disrepects me when she can’t get what she want and sweet when she does kept on repeating for years but I’ve had enough. We’re definitely polar opposites. Where she craves publicity and followings for her childish antics and bashing others, I just want to have my space, my solitude and private life intact. It must have been one of the reasons why I appeared to be the villain of her life in another person’s perspective. I don’t relish idle talks just to bash people nor do I fancy feigning affections. Nowadays, I’m just doing my best to remain civil and spend less time with her unlike before. Setting bounderies bit by bit has saved my sanity instead of repeating the endless cycle.
Toxic people do exist, even within our own family. We can’t choose our family members but what we can do is address this prevailing issue in a rational manner. Addressing the issue can really be difficult when they’re someone you love and care about deeply. A lot of you may or may not have faced the same situation. But why did I post this supposedly private story here in my blog? Simple. Awareness. I want to tell you some of the things I’ve learned in order to handle the situation especially if you’re living with a toxic person. I know that someone out there experienced the same thing and I want you to know that you are not alone and that there’s actually something you can do about it without further straining your relationship. To be honest, writing this has been painful and I’ve been contemplating about sharing this story. Because letting others know about it will make me vulnerable. However, this blog’s main focus isn’t about dwelling on the negativity that has already transpired. It’s about finding a strategic solution to handle the issue.
Now that you’ve reached this point, let’s focus on the ways to make life easier even when you’re living with a toxic person:
- Start a coping journal.
- Accept that their behavior isn’t normal instead of ignoring the signs.
- Practice Self-Care daily.
- Don’t take their behavior personally except when it gets physical.
- Don’t hate them for their toxicity- Focus on being rational.
- Work things out with them.
- Learn to let go.
Writing is a good way of detailing the minute events of our daily lives. Through this we can reflect and internalize about the things that has transpired. Aside from that, it is also a way of getting in touch of our emotions when we can’t express it externally. You can start by writing your frustration about that person(s), the root cause of the problem and what you can do about it. Always try to be mindful of how you act around them. If you ascertained that their behavior has become toxic, it’s time to do some actions. Ignoring their behavior will only make things worst, you are only enabling them. In relation to that, practicing daily self-care involves the following: 1 Own up your strenths and weaknesses – in this way, what they think won’t matter; 2 Don’t pity yourself, you are not a victim; 3 Distance yourself from them; 4 Meditate and exercise. We should never let negative things get to us until it gets physical. That’s the time to put a case against them. Remember that an eye for an eye isn’t always a solution. Opt for a better way. Also, there are people that can charm their way to you but can’t help being toxic. So that’s why we should deal everything logically. Understand what made them act that way and always be mindful of our actions, while choosing our battles wisely. There are times that we can still help them mend their ways, of course with their consent. But should you find them not doing any effort to change, the best thing left to do is to let go. Distance yourself permanently.
I hope you learned something from my experience. In my case I am setting healthy bounderies because I love her and I’m trying to work things out. Being rational and coping thru writing definitely helps. I still keep on hoping that she’ll change.
© 2017 Mel Joy (themonochromereaper.wordpress.com)